The world as reflection

Pondering moment

I am looking at the world around me and contemplating what this world is saying about me. The history of my web browsing tells a story. There is truth in the notion that our environment reflects something of who we are and who we are becoming. My home office is filled with chaos. Papers stacked up, books, electrical cables etc. If anything it tells me that entropy is on the move.

My house is clean and neat due to my wife's influence but here in my personal space chaos rules. I know where most of the things are but life just move so fast that I often rather sit down, do something than actualy taking the time to declutter and get everything in order. I clean my office thoroughly one or twice a year...but have failed so far to establish a pattern that maintains the order and cleanliness. I enjoy order and prefer order and yet do not keep that order.

I think the time has came to clean up again.

#Questionaire

#Xanga funstuff

To all that read me please complete the following ... and then if you put it on your Xanga...I will do the same for you.

@LKJSlain

Answer ?

1. Who are you in the grand scheme of things?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me and if so, wanna make out?

5. Who's that Pokemon?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression of me?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you used common sense?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your Xanga and see what I say about you?

Progress is a step by step process

Journal entry

Last night was again a blessing for me in my #parenting. My #daughter successfully delivered her fourth speech at our Toastmasters club last night. She showed initially some signs of stress because she was the first speaker.  She spoke about her pets and had one of our Dachshund there as a life prop. Taking an animal as a prop for a speech requires some courage. Fortunately our doggy behaved himself well.

Shame! She almost had a problem during her speech. Like a good #Toastmaster she ensured that she had everything in place; her notes, her cell phone, a picture of her dog and the dog. However by some error when she took out her note cards she left the last behind. She realised it with a shock when she got to the end of her speech...and let out a small cry of anxiety: “Dad my card’s missing”. I said she must just finish off its ok...and then she did an excellent job of finishing off exactly as planned without her notes. This small mishap was a wonderful opportunity for me to point out to her the value of being prepared.

I am once again amazed by my club’s support. They know well the history of my daughter being unable to complete school due to her own mental challenges. The club support is just remarkable; everybody supports her and encourages her like any of the other members of Toastmasters. She receives her evaluator’s feedback like all the other Toastmasters in a balanced way where they showed areas for improvement but also gave credit for achievements. She achieved all the objectives of the fourth assignment. I was happy to hear my daughter saying: “I achieved tonight”. Many people may see achievment as something they deserve...for my daughter this was much more. For her it is a life changing realisation of possibility.

The school system really broke her and affirmed a message that she is not good enough. Through Toastmasters I can see how she is gaining more and more confidence. She is slowly beginning to she that she can be an achiever in her own right if she persevere. Not just has she achieved but she also gave her best prepared speech she ever did at the club. We all could see the progress made. For me looking at her not just make me proud of her but also affirmed my belief that no matter what level you are...Toastmasters can make a difference!

Thoughts in the rain

General journal entry

It was a rainy #Easter as usual in the Western Cape. Both Friday and Monday was public holidays in South Africa. I sat with my nose against the cold window staring at the droplets falling on the ground. The winter is approaching and as usual triggers a desire to contemplate life in general.  The dripping water from the roof reminds me that I need to look at my roof before the big winter rains.

I had the honour of spending time with friends and my children. My son celebrated the good news that he was successful in his audition for a role in a profession play called Fiela’s child. A well known book, originally written in Afrikaans, which challenged the racial overtone that was dominating the South African culture at the time. The struggle of a white boy raised by a coloured lady as her own. When the authorities discovered him wanted to reconcile him into the white culture... In any case it my son was very happy to get a part in this play. He is also preparing for his debate on Wednesday. I am fairly at ease that he will assert himself with confidence. He is bright and at ease with himself.

My eldest daughter is preparing for her fourth speech (out of ten) at the #Toastmaster’s meeting tonight. Going through the Competent Communicator manual is for her a big challenge but so far she is still hanging in there. She joined Toastmasters last year in May and if she finishes four speeches in the year, I will really be proud of her. It takes much more from her than most other people to get that far...and yet so many intelligent adults never get that far.

So my time was invested mostly in the activities of my children. None of my children are really children any more. Even my son who is the youngest is turning into a young man. His voice has broken and he needed to start shaving. Live is moving on at its own pace. With each drop of rain against the window time passes. I hope that my life brings refreshment to those that cross my path. We live we die... I read the other day a mystic is a spiritual evolutionist. The description is very appropriate to what I believe. Today I lay the foundation not just for tomorrow but also for the next life time.

It is winter, the morning is dark. I press my face against the window and see how each drop of rain tells its own story...individual drops that come together to form a small stream, streams a puddle and puddles turn into dams and dams into rivers and rivers into the sea. I am what I am...and yes I am part of humanity in our own stream of evolution.

Distortion

Photoblog

Some photo's experimenting with the distortion created by a bowl of water.

From 50 to 5

Friendship

On 23 March 2012 I went to a surprise party of a good friend of mine.

The family got dressed. Each person was supposed to dress their age if their age is reversed. It means my friend being 50 will be dressed as 5. We all hid in the shadows at his sisters home...waiting to sprang the surprise!

He was blown away by all the people.... ha, but needed to change from 50 to 5

....and was soon transformed into a pirate boy

...and a birtday cake with the picture of his favourite.....

and as a lover of fun my friend soon got the drift and start playing along

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

(Note: the guy on next to him was a professor of mine while I was studying Industrial Engineering)

ANAM CARA

#Dream #Journal

Feb & Mar 2012

29/01/2012: I am creating three introductions to three out of five video's I created about snakes.

30/01/2012: I am traveling by car with a person who's surname is Nienaber. He is a famous poet and he has a specialised car that runs on poetry.

31/01/2012: My children are going on an adventure in the sea. They are swimming in a group. The youngest two are holding hands while swimming in front of the rest of the group.

1/02/2012: I am breaking my practice staff in three equal parts.

2/02/2012: I am investigating investment options.

3/12/2012: I am learning about continuation, survival and capabilities to fight. The work is done but I still need to action it.

5/12/2012_1: A deer is eating a plastic bag. I am trying to help it to get the plastic bag out of its mouth but a piece of it is still swallowed by the deer.

5/12/2012_2: A conartist shows me how to double my money and ask me why I do not believe him. I answer that I believe in my God...upon which he ask me to tell him about it.

6/12/2012: I am making ready for a wedding. When you plan to attend a wedding you must make the plan complete. I am posing for a group photo at the wedding.

11/02/2012: I am seeing my children through a window, playing with friends. I am giving them a message to take forward in life.

12/02/2012: I am equiping myself to effectively fight a battle plan.

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Betwwen 12/02/2012 and 17/03/2012 I did not recall any dreams. I did not try to force it. When the body does not recall dreams then I just relax and happen when I am ready again.

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 17/03/2012: My daughter gets arrested and I need to assist her.

18/03/2012: I am exercising in a gymnasium

19/03/2012: I am fighting in a war with swords

20/03/2012: I am playing hide and seek with vampires. I am hiding on top of a cupboard. I am being caught by an intelligence officer. I am freed after explaining that I was on top of the cupboard to clean a statue crafted on the ceiling of the roof.

21/03/2012: I am setting dream targets for the rest of the year.

25/03/2012: I am building a bridge in the sea for peace.

26/03/2012: I am in a class where I study the design of escalators from a mathematical point of view. There is a service escalator with a different configuration than the other two escalators. I am studying the diagrams of these escalators.  I am trying to work out how I can optimise the working of the escalators. I am seeing an actual escalotor and have a problem to get onto it because it is continually moving without stopping. I considered taking a jump but then calculated that the risk was too much. Finally I decide to take the stairs to get to the 8th floor of a building.

28/03/2012: I am on a guinea pig farm where I am assisting a group of handlers to look after guinea pigs owned by very rich people. The guinea pigs are al on leashes and need daily walks. I want to have a silver guinea pig for myself but can not afford it.

29/03/2012: I am part of a group of ornamental parashute jumpers. I was responsible for designing jump patterns for groups of jumpers up for groups as large as 15 jumpers.

Points of Failure

Toastmasters presentation

Me, I will, Yessss....Who of you struggle to say “NO!”? After all we are social creatures who like to contribute. We see grabbing the initiative as a sign of leadership.

Mr Contest Chair, Fellow Toastmasters and guests, on 13 February 2003 I joined Toastmasters International. I just started my own business and needed to develop my leadership and communication skills. Aaaaahhh and what a lovely program it is. Toastmasters International gives you constructive evaluations, certified recognition and objectives to keep pushing forward. You can not, not succeed with Toastmasters; you have to progress.  When I reflect on my progress, I realised there were valuable moments often missed. I call these Points of Failure

When I mention the word failure...several images comes to mind. The scolding teacher: “You will never!!” or the disappointed parent: “Will he ever??”. These remarks cut you down to a sense of worthlessness. You have to decide whether to use it as a motivation or a self-fulfilling prophecy.

My first experience with a point of failure was when I had to listen to an evaluator telling me what I did right..... and wrong. I listened but my mind went: “Yes...but, Yes....but, YES....BUT”. I had an acute disease: total resistance to recognise my failures. I realised only after several evaluations that these points of failure are actually stepping stones of progress.

I became competent....but also arrogant. I thought I can “wing-it” – shoot from the hip. I rocked up at a meeting with a semi-prepared presentation and committed the two cardinal Toastmaster sins. Firstly I went way out of my time....the red light did not go RED, but it went RED, RED, RED!!! “Is this guy blind or what???” Secondly I spoke a whole lot of nonsense...the more I tried to correct the dumber it sounded. When I finally sat down I knew the evaluator had a task at hand. Thank you for that evaluator! For he had the courage to stand up and tell me: “You have not achieved the objectives. I think you should do it over.” I realised that when Toastmasters International says we will make you competent, advanced ....DISTINQUISHED, that is exactly what they mean. If I want to become a leader, then I have to strive towards excellence E.V.E.R.Y..T.I.M.E. No exceptions!

I finally gained the confidence to step out of my comfort zone. I tackled the “HUMOROUS MANUAL”. My wife thought the only thing funny was me; trying to be funny. After all I only knew only one joke. “Knock, knock” “Who is there?” “Me” “Me who?” “Mealy meal.” It’s not funny!! But by that time I became conscious of the value of points of failure. I went to the evaluator: “These are the objectives...If I do not succeed...fail me!” Of five assignments I did three twice. I gained the confidence to start participating in “Humorous speech competitions” ..... Low and behold one year, I won a club competition!! “Woop!! Woop!!!! I was dancing on the tables.!

I went through to the area competition. I gave a hilarious introduction...people were rolling with laughter. Then.......... My mind when “di, deep, di deep, di deep, diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......” IMAGINE? The worst fear of a speaker..... going blank. I chose an area humorous competition to go blank. I realised in that moment it is not about mastering points of failure...but that I need to overcome my fear of failure. That is exactly what I did...The next year I was back, full throttle, Toastmaster mode. I won the club competition, won the area competition, won the div... No, I did not win the division competition, but what I won was worth so much more. I won a victory over my fear of failure.

On your life path...you will encounter points of failure. Recognise them and use them as stepping stones of progress. Points of failure taught me little about leadership and communication but what it gave me was of far greater importance. It gave me heart, the heart of a true Toastmaster...a heart that says: “Me, I will, YESSSSS.....because....I CAN”

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This is the presentation I gave at last nights at the #Toastmasters International D74 Division English Prepared #speech #competition. I did not get a place with it... but at least this is the benchmark for me to improve on.

The song of an inner struggle

Contemplation

You can attack me where I am vulnerable, I will not retaliate. You can spew your venomous poison, I will be unaffected. I will listen to your words cutting wounds into the core of my being, yet I will answer with love. I can break you down with more effect. Your weaknesses are exposed more than mine, but I will not allow myself to stoop so low to exploit them. Your attempts to make me feel inferior is futile....denounced to be no more than a level of frustration. I am an alchemist and will take the hatred in your words and turn it into poetry.

I know myself, I know what I stand for and I will not allow you to tell me who I am. I know not just my strengths but also my weaknesses. My weaknesses call on me to humble myself but it does not make me inferior. My weakness does not make me less. Your words are arrows of pain into my heart...I yearn for words that are uplifting, encouraging from you but will continue on my own strength without them.

You are embarassed by me yet you remain with me. You seem never satisfied yet cling to me. Maybe you are too use to me being calm and accepting. You know my strength but will not acknowledge it. You rely on my predictability but will still judge me. You complain about what I give yet you yourself has nothing to offer. In your eyes, I might never be enough. There are others you admire and yet they give less or have nothing to offer. I gave you my heart, mind and soul but that was not enough.

I wanted to be one but the polarity persisted. I wanted to share with you my stories, dance with you and sing songs with you. Blissful are the times when you joined me...but somehow it always end with the same refrain.... "I am not enough for you...." My resolve is to remain true to myself. No one will steal from me who I truly am. I am who I am and will be who I know I should be. For you I will be there... for that is who I am.

The value of slowing down

Daily entry

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt a total lack of energy. As much as I tried to motivate myself it seemed that I just felt tired with a lack to attempt anything. I generally live with a #philosophy of active participation in the world around me. I like to contribute and to make a positive difference in people's lives. In days like this I often contemplate the names of great philosophers, warriors, scientists and statesmen. Did they also had times when they felt like they want to do nothing? I see many people around me whom are doing such great work. Do they sometimes just feel tired? I wonder how other people address those moments of when one's energy flat line. I especially have an appreciation for radio presenters... They seem to be on top of the show every day. They never sound tired or down. It must be something that comes with the profession...but still is admirable.

Maybe for me the flatness of energy at present is the anticipation of two big events. On Thursday night I am participating in the Toastmaster International's Division's International English Prepared speech competition. I don't know whether my presentation is strong enough to win but I want to give a good presentation and ensure the standard of the competition is height. On Monday I will do the final presentation for my PhD proposal: if approved will kick-start my studies to a new level. So flat line, as irritating as it was, might just be the body making ready for the next few days. I am looking forward to these events and really hope that I will stand my ground.

Every moment of life is important and in an ideal world we want to make the best of each opportunity. However sometimes we will have a lull. There is nothing wrong with a momentary slowing down. The key is that periods of slow down should not be over extensive period's of time. We should recognise that life is cyclically. Consistent peak performance can result in as much disaster than consistent weak performance. The ideal is to ensure the average is always getting better. Today we should build a foundation for tomorrow....and then step by step we will erect the pyramid of the legacy we hope to leave behind.